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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com


Cute! :D
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Baby...that's an awfully depressing song to preface your blog entry with. Is it meant to be indicative of something? Hope not! *murfle* Thanks love, for understanding, trusting, and still loving. We'll get through this, and I'm glad you're not going to give up. I love you. :)

Viv wished for the moon @ 11:57 PM

Ranty reviews. Reviewing my blog archives I realize I used to be fairly voluminous when it came to blogging. Then I looked at last month's entries and discover the measly amount I've blogged is pretty damn pathetic. And much as I dislike sitting down to type sometimes I realize (is there any other word for "realize"? It's getting kinda repititive) the discipline is good; the Imaginarium has become my diary. And it's fun to read back. There's a lot of stuff in there I honestly don't really remember writing, and I was surprised because it didn't sound like my style. Yet it was me. Well it should be anyway, unless there's a doppleganger running around who takes over my body to blog. And I've written much more poetry than I remember, some of it not half bad in my opinion. It gives me a history, and a story, and I enjoy and appreciate that immensely. I should get back in the blogging habit.

This is my last week of teaching, finally. Luckily there's not much for me to do, because there are outside instructors conducting a Sec 3 media course during English lesson time the next couple of weeks, and all I have to do is sit in and watch. Yeah! :D Unfortunately still have marking to finish, and feeling excessively lazy. Spent all the time prior to going online trying to remove the diskette drive of my computer and replacing it with the CD-ROM drive, so that I can play my new Creed CD. But I need a screwdriver, and all my ingenuity (sticking staples, scissors, pens, keys, and other pointy objects into the screw grooves) has come to naught. Maybe I shall try asking the office for one afterwards. Hope they don't look at me too strangely. At the same time I also question the wisdom of playing Creed in the staff room. It's pretty loud and stress-inducing. The music I mean, not the staff room. The latter is rather silent and peaceful. And so that's the problem, see. So then, I hear you scratching your head and asking, why on earth did I buy the CD if it is self-acknowledged to be stressful and loud noise? Well the SALN (Stressful and Loud Noise) is only the first few tracks, the rest is great stuff. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for My Sacrifice. Or cheerful that my next paycheck has come in, and so I can afford to put a little drain on the ol' ATM. Or I'm a fluffy little bunny. Take your pick of reasons!

NTU School of Communication and Information (henceforth SCI) orientation camp is from the 5th to 9th of July, and I'm sure as hell going. I want to get to know who's who before the first day comes and I'm completely lost and alone. The only downside to the camp is that there's a full day at Sentosa beach scheduled in the itenary, and I'm not a beach person at all! I've got no bod to display in a pretty swimsuit, I don't play volleyball, I get severe headaches after full days in the blazing sun and face it, Singapore beaches really are just gross lah. The last time I went to the beach at East Coast Park (what, 2 and a half years ago?) I was thoroughly freaked out by the fact that there was some icky gooshymud instead of sand under my feet when I waded into the water. And this gooshymud was pokey in places, and because of the murkiness of the water I could see jackshit. Very unnerving business. I think I may just choose to hide in the chalet and sleep instead.

I've come to realize that just like anybody going overseas to study I'll be facing a whole new set of adventures and experiences too, and the similarity was a comfort. Reflecting on the past 6 months and the scholarship and uni fiasco, I realize I've grown up a lot. I loved my experience in the Hwa Chong Humanities scheme; it opened my eyes, my mind, so many doors, and I've had really fun times and wonderful tutors. But the one thing I regret is that I learned there to adopt the attitude of working towards "Top 30 US colleges on a civil service scholarship or bust". I don't know if it was because of the indoctrination of the tutors, or that what they told me simply reinforced my own attitudes and upbringing, but I believed that anything less for me was a disgrace and a failure. And it's an attitude that's given me a lot of pain in the last half year, and one that's taken a long time to correct. The healing process isn't helped by the fact that there is the peer pressure of everyone flying away. I guess right now, it's just the peer pressure factor that ruins any sense of peace I feel toward my immediate future, and I hope that will pass. At any rate It's not over yet. If anything, this experience has simulataneously taught me to lean upon the Lord, as well as become a fighter. I am now lean and hungry, and best of all I'm free and independent, beholden neither to the expense of my education nor the agencies who might've sponsored me to go. I truly have the freedom, unlike a lot of other people, to chase whatever crazy dreams I've always had (provided of course, they have been sanctioned by Him). I read an old blog entry where I worried about being bonded, about losing the crucial years of my life in a job that may not be right for me. Now that the dust has cleared, I finally realize that I need not fear anymore. Why didn't I see it that way before, in the blurry whirl of applications and interviews? Why did I go on thinking that I had to get a scholarship, had to go overseas? Yes, there was the prestige of it, there was the Keep up With the Joneses that Are Your Classmates bit. This recent discovery is a bittersweet revelation, I'll admit. But at the end of the day I can stand up and say that I am truly free. Granted, I may not earn a top-dollar job in an iron ricebowl civil service job, but it's not for me. I've always wanted to do different things from my classmates, and staying here, doing communications, may just be the right path for me to shine. Plus I get to stay at home, with my family and those I love. There's so much I haven't seen or done, even on this little island...the world can come later.

Give me 10 years, and look for me again. I may not be who you expect me to be.

My dear juniors, I have one piece of advice to give you. Please don't fall into the trap I did. Aim high, yes. You're in this programme to aim high. But even if you don't make it, know that you tried your damnedest, and you fought as hard as anyone else. Discover the dignity in your final decision, when your options become known to you, whatever they are. If you end up staying local, it's not the end of the world. There are still many ways to shine. And worse come to worse, one word: TRANSFER. :P All the best, kids! :)

Back to the news and the weather report. My house is a black hole, wouldja believe it? My boom box went missing! I gave it to my dad to take care of after church a couple of weeks ago because I was going out with Tris, and I never asked for it after because I figured it was always somewhere around. And then when I finally asked my dad where it was a few days ago he was completely shocked: "Isn't it back in your room?" Which inspired a frantic search. My dad's tried not to look too bothered by it, but he knows he's partly responsible for whatever happened to it because I entrusted it to him. For once it's really not my fault for it going missing, and for once he can't pin it on me. Hurrah. Doesn't make the fact that somehow my stereo has gone AWOL any more pleasant...and then just this morning a stack of old newspapers tied up with a rubber band that I was going to bring to school today went missing too, almost right before my eyes. I searched all over for it, I swear I left it on my bed before breakfast but when I looked for it just before leaving the house it was gone. Vanished. Creepy. Or not. But I don't know.

*Wiggles toes* Yay I like my toenails, I got them painted specially when on holiday in Penang. I have little white flowers on my big toenails, and they're so shinyprettyprettypretty! *grin* Must take a photo of them before SCI camp pulverizes them.

And that's your horoscope for todaaaaay, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! I'm outta here.

Viv wished for the moon @ 8:29 PM

Thursday, June 24, 2004

100 Years
::Five for Fighting::

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still a man, but you see I'm of age
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Viv wished for the moon @ 8:59 AM

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Mmmm that's interesting...so far almost all those who have taken my quiz have adopted odd aliases lik "Hm", "Hoick", "Fufu" and "Meep". Mmmmmm.

School starts again tomorrow, and I'm not quite ready for lessons. On the flip side my last day is next Friday!Hurrah!

Viv wished for the moon @ 11:49 AM

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Whee I'm back from vacation! Good break. And look how I waste time once again!

Quiz: See how well you know Vivienne!

Viv wished for the moon @ 9:57 AM

Friday, June 18, 2004

We're going on a *cheery beat* summer holiday! Well folks I'll be off to Penang over the weekend, be back Monday evening. Don't miss me too badly!

And in other news, it seems Graffiti Cafe has been closed down for a long time. Noooooo!!! *weeps*

New art at the Deviantart site...check it, boys and girls.

Skin update: Peely. Not so itchy anymore, but damn peely and dry...icky poo!

Gosh, this is dull, isn't it?

Viv wished for the moon @ 4:43 AM

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

In a world that spins so fast,
revolving at the speed of a 747
and full of adrenaline, anticipation, hope, dreams
and the promise of four years,
I am still, unmoving, inert, lost. Just watching.
But that will change.
I close my eyes, thinking it might help
but all it does is make the pattering of feet
the whispers of excitement, the rustle of passport pages
all the louder, all the more distinct
and drowns out the noise of the steady breaking within.
There's no point.
So I force my eyes open again, and watch all, anchored to an island of tears.

Viv wished for the moon @ 9:28 PM

Yay got new handphone for birthday! Nokia 6100. It does so many things, I wonder if it makes coffee too. Hm. *pokes it* Time to figure out how it works, eh. *chews thoughtfully on a corner*

And Galen gave me a mothball in the shape of a cow. Or is it a pig? Or a puppy? Either way, cute stuff, Hamster!

Just the most interesting gifts received.

And my face is damnably itchy...I went for a chemical face peel yesterday at my mother's urging and now even though it was a very mild glycolic acid peel, my face has been consistently itchy and slightly reddish. Peeling hasn't started yet, possibly tomorrow? Whoopee!! Nyargh...musn't...scratch...*picks at face delicately* Arrrrrgggghh...can you say ANNOYING?!

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name
--Name, The Goo Goo Dolls

Viv wished for the moon @ 7:29 AM

Monday, June 14, 2004

Thank you all!
Wow...it's been one incredible weekend, the most notable of which was the truly surprise party thrown for me last night, courtesy of my dearest Tris, my parents, Janice, Karin, Wenyu, Charmaine, Bryan Ho, Pak, Galen, Youheng, Jaclyn, Wei Lynn, Kox and Weisi...the former four (or 5, if you count my parents as individual entities) for organizing and making things happen, the rest for being there to celebrate with me. I was truly very touched, and truly very in the dark about the whole thing! Yes maybe I'm just really slow, but you guys never ever let on! Ok so mum and Tris behaved a little oddly at times, for example:

Mum (yesterday morning): I can't help you teach Sunday School today, I have...stuff to do.
Me (slightly suspicious but generally oblivious): What stuff?
Mum (gesticulating): Just...some stuff.

and these from Tris:

Me (2 days ago, in a half sulk): Y'know maybe I don't want to go out this Sunday, maybe we should just chill at my house.
Tris (rather authoritarian-like): I'm not taking you home until after 7!
Me (vaguely suspicious but generally still oblivious): Did my mum ask you to say that?
Tris : No, this is my own initiative.

Me (at 7.20pm yesterday, leaving the cinema after watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is an awesome movie BTW): I need the toilet.
Tris (hurrying me along): Can't you wait till we get back? It's better if you go to the toilet at home. And when we get back let's check the dinner spread first, ok?
Me (slightly mystified but oblivious as always): Ok!

(Read my baby's blog for his side of the story too!)

But this is all in retrospect. I simply thought my mum was busy making dinner for that night for the four of us plus Tris; never did I guess that she was busy preparing for an evening with 14 hungry teenagers!

And it was a wonderful evening; good food (JAN I LOVE THE MUSSELS!!!), the best of friends, and an unforgettable memory. I thank God for wonderful friends and family, and for you, my lovely silly boy. I don't quite know how I can ever match everything you've ever done for me. I love you.

*Post birthday high*

Viv wished for the moon @ 1:27 AM

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Heeheehee.

The Advertising Slogan Generator:
I keyed in my name and this is what I got:

The Vivienne of Paradise.
Get in my Vivienne.
Got a Vivienne? You're in luck.
If you can't beat Vivienne, join Vivienne.
Vivienne - It does a body good.
Be young, have fun, drink Vivienne.
Happiness is a cigar called Vivienne.

Okay, that's enough for one morning.

V	Visionary
I	Insane
V	Virile
I	Ideal
E	Enchanting
N	Nutty
N	Naive
E	Exquisite

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

The rest I like but...but...Virile??

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK] You are a Trekkie! It's a geek, Jim! You probably have a starfleet uniform and a tricorder. Bonus points if you speak klingon. One day you will walk down the aisle with your buttertroll trekkie partner, humming to the Yoyager theme. More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Yuck. I'm truly a Star Wars girl at heart, not a TREKKIE!!! :(

And other things to peruse:
Two Lumps the webcomic! <--This is really really cute, and go and read the livejournal...hilarious. Gooshyfood!

I AM TEH CAPTAIN OF THE CARPET SHIP!!!!!!

Viv wished for the moon @ 7:55 PM

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Ok I realized my list was getting too chock full of pricey items so I added on to it...if that still isn't helpful let me know, I'll go have another look at it. Hell the birthday list isn't a shopping list of required items for birthday, they're just uh, recommendations, y'know? But really folks, gifts are gifts, and all I will be very appreciative of and I will wear/eat/read/watch/look at it at least 3 times. (Doesn't apply for eating I suppose, it's kinda gross to eat it 3 times over, ain't it? Yeeeuch!)

Viv wished for the moon @ 10:50 PM

Okay folks, see sidebar, Desires: THE BIRTHDAY EDITION is out!!!

And to be updated as and when. Yay for me!

Viv wished for the moon @ 9:26 AM

Friday, June 04, 2004

Eight days and counting. Check the sidebar soon, there should be a new variant of the wishlist up in double quick time, that is, The Birthday Edition List.

For those of you uninformed, or too lazy to look at my sidebar (or both), it's coming up on 12th June and has a long history of not being remembered, either because it's George Bush's birthday too or there's just bad karma around me.

Memo to self: Never stay up till 4.30 again, even if it's to read a good book. Got hooked on finishing The Name of the Rose (on a side note, I don't get what the title has to do with the story, someone enlighten me please!) and after that couldn't really sleep, and then mummy dragged me up at 9 in the morning for brekky. Murgle. Now I'm awfully sleepy but I haven't showered, and even though it happens a whole lot I never like it when I fall asleep unwashed. The bed should a sacred place of rest, pristine and clean, and instead I have but besmirched its chastity with my wretched grimy unwashedness and molting dead skin flakes. Grovel grovel!

Congrats to Charm who's become the 7th PSC scholar of our batch of Humanz people!

And that leaves room for wondering yet.

Chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe is evilness, it's so damned rich it's sickening. And coming from the chocolate-crazed girl it's quite a statement to make!

I regret not saving a copy of my Northwestern application, it just occurred to me that I couldn't remember jackshit of what I wrote for my short essays, and I can't retrieve it online anymore. Lost forever in the void, alas. It's awfully annoying not to remember at all, especially when you spent so long pounding them out at the time. Oh well.

Went for basic theory test tonight, made a couple of rather silly mistakes. Is it ever alright to overtake from the left? And what exactly is the correct procedure, according to a list of multiple choice options, when your handset-free handphone rings while you're driving on the expressway? Of course commonsense tells you not to answer it you fool, or do it with extreme sneakiness, but those weren't some of the options available. What's the passing mark here, anyhow? Result will only be known in two weeks time. Geez, considering it's just one of those optical response sheets that's an awfully long time to wait.

My baby's on the phone, wishlist will have to wait. Until tomorrow, comrades!

Viv wished for the moon @ 9:14 AM

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

And all my best congrats to Karin, who's gotten PSC OMS! I am incredibly excited and happy for you dearie...see lah, grumble and complain for two years. :P Praise to Him indeed!

Viv wished for the moon @ 3:59 AM

Bitter is my temperament.

Can emotion be subverted by the control of intellectual, cerebral thought?

Viv wished for the moon @ 3:26 AM